Not a Bernie Note, but the Thursday Compilation of the Amherst Police Reports is always amazeballs

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY

• 9:16 p.m. — People on Kingman Road escorting salamanders across the street were advised to stay out of the travel lanes for their own safety. (In Amherst, migrating salamanders are carried to safety!)

NOISE COMPLAINTS

• 8:32 p.m. — A man who deliberately poured milk over instruments being used by a band performing at a downtown restaurant was sent on his way. (That's just rude, dude.)

• 12:41 a.m. — A guitarist entertaining people outside the downtown bars was warned and sent on his way.

• 1:34 a.m. — A man and woman were found in a verbal altercation outside a North Pleasant Street church. The fight began because they were unwilling to share the only slice of pizza they bought. (Share that Hot Cheese Up Front!)

ANIMAL COMPLAINTS

• 1:27 p.m. — Loose cows roaming in the middle of South East Street were returned to their nearby field.  

Congratulations ELM!

Congratulations to ELM on the successful defense of her thesis! (It only took you a semester longer than me. Sibling rivalry never dies. I'm simply going to say I received more difficult questions from him.)

And as always, it takes a village. TY Bernie and Cher!

A note addressed to The Matriarch

A note for Cher:

Expect a return at Big Y

Sometimes I feel only my father returns perishable items to grocery stores after he comes home and realizes quality control measures have not been met.

Directions for ELM

Coco requiring a Designated Feeder (ELM) has fallen off the map.

It's that time of the year again

Thermostat time! ELM got a Thanksgiving Talking To about sending these important messages to yours truly.

BONUS! Here's Coco trying to get Thanksgiving Ham:

Coco!!!

Coco is at his goal weight of 16lbs! Down from 21 or 22lbs back in the spring. To keep it up, Bernie is his Life Coach: