Not a Bernie Note, but the Thursday Compilation of the Amherst Police Reports is always amazeballs

SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY

• 9:16 p.m. — People on Kingman Road escorting salamanders across the street were advised to stay out of the travel lanes for their own safety. (In Amherst, migrating salamanders are carried to safety!)

NOISE COMPLAINTS

• 8:32 p.m. — A man who deliberately poured milk over instruments being used by a band performing at a downtown restaurant was sent on his way. (That's just rude, dude.)

• 12:41 a.m. — A guitarist entertaining people outside the downtown bars was warned and sent on his way.

• 1:34 a.m. — A man and woman were found in a verbal altercation outside a North Pleasant Street church. The fight began because they were unwilling to share the only slice of pizza they bought. (Share that Hot Cheese Up Front!)

ANIMAL COMPLAINTS

• 1:27 p.m. — Loose cows roaming in the middle of South East Street were returned to their nearby field.  

Congratulations ELM!

Congratulations to ELM on the successful defense of her thesis! (It only took you a semester longer than me. Sibling rivalry never dies. I'm simply going to say I received more difficult questions from him.)

And as always, it takes a village. TY Bernie and Cher!

A note addressed to The Matriarch

A note for Cher:

Expect a return at Big Y

Sometimes I feel only my father returns perishable items to grocery stores after he comes home and realizes quality control measures have not been met.

Directions for ELM

Coco requiring a Designated Feeder (ELM) has fallen off the map.

It's that time of the year again

Thermostat time! ELM got a Thanksgiving Talking To about sending these important messages to yours truly.

BONUS! Here's Coco trying to get Thanksgiving Ham:

Coco!!!

Coco is at his goal weight of 16lbs! Down from 21 or 22lbs back in the spring. To keep it up, Bernie is his Life Coach:

Securing doors

Just in case you were worried, there are TWO notes on each side of the same door. They have been posted since March. Bernie is nothing but methodical.

A Happy Belated Father's Day Post for Bernie

You have got to dry those clothes out somehow:

Even though I am upset that my AAA membership is being cut off (at the age of 30) by June 30th, I still got him a present:

Thank you Bernie! You are amazing. 

How to defrost

An in-my-head Q and A session as I teleworked from Amherst today:

Q: How old are you MCM?
A: 30

Apparently, I not only need an exact time to put the defrosted items in the fridge, but a timer as well

Notes FROM Cher re. wine

Notes from Cher usually pertain to Coco (who is now on a strict diet-he looks good!) or wine. I was not the culprit in this scenario. Neither was Bernie or ELM. That leaves one person, and that doesn't mean Coco the Cat. In case you are unable to make the message out, it states "DO NOT DRINK ^ANY OF THIS WINE! Heart Mom."

Le Coco

The only thing Coco does when he goes outside (besides massacring Chippies)  is to find potential neighbors who he can beg to feed him. We get phone calls about him pretending he's hungry and homeless. Seriously. Still, Bernie's obsession continues.

=Thermostat reminders ^44

This title = A simple Excel formula to calculate the number of Bernie notes focused on the thermostat.

Furniture protection

ELM woke up last week to find the following obstacle course in the living room (designed to keep Coco off the furniture). Sometimes I wonder why Bernie just doesn't go All-The-Way Polish and cover everything in plastic zip covers like my grandparents.

OM to the G

Thank you Bernie Student (NZ!). Bernie doesn't know how to read a blog, so my shout out is to you!

I had no idea he dealt with the bathroom in Stockbridge. GO UMASS.

Obsession with Coco continues.

All animals love Bernie. ALL. Ruffy and Skipper, the Shelties (we dog-sat, RIP); Greta, the Golden Retriever (RIP); Lex, our Samoyed and Lucy our Golden Retriever (RIP); Walker, our failed Boxer service dog in training (RIP); my guinea pigs Milly and Beavi s (RIP), Crawford the Cat picked up for EAM's birthday (RIP); Neighborhood Catzis (our nickname for Moonbeam who lived next door but really liked us, RIP); and NOW Coco.

Coco sure needs to go outside. He's in winter hibernation mode.

The holiday tree lighting routine

It's that time again:

Things I am grateful for: bullet points and arrows

Things I am thankful for this week, continued

ELM was eating some chocolate and this is what she found the next morning:

Things I am thankful for this week

Coco's obession with the new couch. No one can use it since it is always covered in obstacles to prevent him from making it his new hangout.

Coco 44; Morzuch's 0